Repost from June 24
I sometimes joke that when my son was born, my inner child became my outer child; today italicized that sentiment. My son is very agreeable by nature and because of this; it’s more apparent in situations where he IS NOT. This morning began with abbreviated successions of total meltdowns over what appeared to me as unidentifiable problems, but for him were seemingly insurmountable struggles. My initial response to him was patient and loving, slowly escalating into full-blown body contractions resulting from total resistance to what was.
As I felt this wall of resistance coming up, I took a deep breath, sat face to face with him looking into his eyes and asked myself what it was that he might be teaching me in that moment. What was being asked of me? I watched as the tears rolled down his cheeks and a wave of compassion welled up in me; my body softened. I sat there receptive and supple to the tenderness surrounding that moment, which paradoxically gave me the grace and fortitude to be with him; to bear witness to his pain.
As we sat there together, I told him that I didn’t understand exactly what the tears were for but that I would be there with him to see it through; we would get through it together… and we did. He just needed to feel what he felt and for his mama to acknowledge him; for her to be there WITH him to pay homage to what was being felt.
Later, I recalled my meditation practice and how it so sweetly dovetailed with this practice called life. During iRest we lovingly welcome whatever is arising, whether it’s a feeling, emotion, thought or belief and by doing so we begin to respond to whatever life brings us rather than react to it. With time it becomes self-evident that as we witness these states come and go in our awareness, the intensity at times with which we feel them begin to lose their foothold. We’re no longer under the tyranny of our emotions because we then see them for what they really are- as having a birth and a death; as being impermanent.
My little boy was reminding me today how to show up, not just for him but for myself. As soon as I surrendered without an inkling of resistance to his emotions, he surrendered to his and all was right with the world. The tears dried up and order was restored; we both returned to our inherent peace and equanimity. I guess you could say that we both grew up a little, not because we outwitted our emotions but rather because we invited them in. We said, as a mother would say to her distraught child, ‘I see you, I love you, you are perfect just as you are.’
-Chrissy Leake
